Will you revive from the CHAOS in my mind?

Of being a girl.

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 13:08:07 GMT

"Ah."

That came out of my mouth when I saw the first few drops of blood on my panty liner.

It explains everything that has happened to me recently -- temper tantrums, fluctuations of mood, increased hunger, slight cramps, and fatigue or lethargy.

There's nothing wrong with me then. To think that I thought I'm weak for feeling so knackered when school has just reopened.

The coffee only extended a few hours of my energised time. I took a nap at 6pm in the end. Thankfully, it IS a power nap. To lessen the lethargy, I immediately bathed upon waking up. Refreshed but now, I feel the sudden rush of tiredness all over again.

This is dire. I'm having my exam tomorrow and I'm not even half prepared!

The bright side: I don't have menstrual cramps and God, I hope I won't have them tomorrow.

For a recount of my second day at school go: blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm

First day of school!

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:32:32 GMT

Yahoo! blog entry
I made an entry earlier today in my main blog. Yes, I'm using Yahoo! as my main now. Don't feel like going back to Blogger yet. Anyways, it summarises my day today. Continuing from there, turns out the power nap becomes a beauty sleep. Now, I'm finding it hard to knock out early. Dang, I knew this would happen. Anyway, mothers know best. She bought a six-pack Nescafe Gold Iced Coffee -- my favourite! Yay! I can drink it tomorrow morning before school! I think I need the caffeine boost especially since there is no break in between lecture and tutorial tomorrow.

Oh, I just placed an order for a facial mask at sglady.com. The prices are not too bad for a Singapore store and shipping is free! Gonna see if the products are effective. I need to remind myself to make the payment tomorrow. I spent a total of $4.99 for now. I'm not too keen on spending too much on beauty products for this month at least. Might make more purchases in the future if all else is good.

Speaking of payments, I had to pay for my madrasah exam fees after school. It's only $10 thankfully. I still have to get the textbook for International Media Studies which I will now label it as IMS for short. Money, money, money.

This post is boring to the point that I'm bored of typing it out. Grrr!

So sweet caress, never long to last.

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 08:07:14 GMT

LOL.

I am really stupid with a passion.

Got a card from Asmah saying:

I always knew back then that everything will be alright with you around be it academically or during band practs.

I've been reading it all wrong. Uni sucks to them (initially, I believe) because I'm not in it.

That just proves how much I rock people's world.

Writer's Block: Reality TV Your Way

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 03:56:17 GMT

If you could make your own reality show, what would it be about and who would be on it?

Submitted By lauralieisfly

View 500 Answers

Wow. That's a hard one. If I could have a reality tv show when I am a rockstar, I would go undercover and work odd-jobs at places where the employer and its many employees do not know of my popularity. Ain't that a cool show? However, if I ain't a rockstar, I would only have a reality show if I enter the media industry as a crew or performer. Hehs. Big dreams.

Media sure is interesting. The controversy surrounding it makes me love it more.

Fascinated by Donald Trump

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 07:21:12 GMT

Dear Journal,

I don't like feeling bloated. It affects my will to do anything and so the laziness grows. Yuck!

I'm fascinated by Mr Trump. So successful because he's so hardworking. Unlike me. He makes a great role model but I do disagree with some of his beliefs. Still, he's great. Plus, even he admits that we should work to the best of our abilities and capabilities. Not everyone can afford a 4hr sleep like him anyways. I need 7 hours at least. Hah.

Oh yeah. Been long since I blogged here. Just to update those curious, I'm recovering from an operation I had about 2 weeks ago I think.

Yeah, I didn't tell anyone that I was warded so if you ask around, don't be surprised that quite many will be shocked to receive the news.

It's alright. nothing biggie. I'm doing okay. Not very well but okay. I'm mentally strong now so yes, I'm okay.

Okay, too much okays.

Well, today is first August and August is my time of the year.

I'm looking forward to a speedy recovery and to the start of a wonderful year!

Hahaha. Yeah, my new year begins every August actually. Heex!

I'm very, very excited! I hope all of you are as excited as me. University life is grand. If you're not in any like me, be just as excited because you have some time to redeem yourself.

A friend of mine lives by a motto which sounds something like: Sometimes in life we cannot get what we want because we are meant for something greater.

And that motto has never let him down.

Perhaps we are meant for something greater than university. Perhaps we have to do more before we can get into university. Whatever it is, don't give up on hope and don't give in to others' dreams.

This life is yours. Take it!

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 04:17:30 GMT

can you remember the morning
i told you goodbye?

I got too close for comfort.

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 20:53:02 GMT

Hello all!

I don't know why I cannot sleep at night nowadays.

Ok, I lied.

Maybe, I do know why but I'm just denying it.

I admit, I'm afraid to fall asleep.

I'm afraid to see what lies beneath my closed lids.
I'm afraid to see what lies yonder my imagination and memories.
I'm afraid to face my fears because I know I am weak.

During my turmoil, I used to have a companion loyal as ever.

~~I've said goodbye~~ He's missing and so now I have to face this alone.

Ach. Such is the pain of a nineteen year old.

Wait. Soon to be nineteen year old.

It's scary to think about turning twenty.

I still feel so unaccomplished.

My siblings are schooling yet I'm not.
My siblings are outgoing yet I'm not.
My siblings are talented yet I'm not.
My siblings are dating yet I'm not.

I really wonder why they compare themselves to me and tend to feel inferior.

I never really know.

Not tonight...

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:01:50 GMT

Tonight is mine to kick back and enjoy myself. Because I need it.

And because you might just need it too.

Maybe I just need a little more courage to stand up for myself.

Sat, 10 May 2008 14:41:00 GMT

I don't know why it hurts so much now. I hope it's just the bloody PMS and nothing more. I mean, when everyone was down, I'm always the one who tries to inject hope. Yet, look at my previous post. I gave up on hope.

Then again, hope is meant to be lost to be found again.

Yeah, I did some deep thinking in the course of staying true to myself. You all know how much it matters to me, in staying true to myself.

Hey, hey, don't go all Mulan on me.

I admit I'm tired of going down to get the mail everyday (except Sundays and Public holidays) at 1.30pm without fail recently only to see nothing that represents any one of the universities at least. I especially have thin hope for NTU since the professor has so called warned me that I won't get in.

~~I'm a frigging~~ I was a frigging lit student so I could read between the lines.

Don't get me wrong. I do not harbour any resentment towards the professor who interviewed me. Rather, I would like to thank him.

He took me seriously when I said I wanted to be a rockstar. He asked me what I'm doing in order to achieve that. It's like he really meant business. It's nice to be believed in. Of course, he had his qualms seeing that I'm a nice *ahem* muslim malay girl. Overall, he opened my eyes. I definitely need to do more if I want to be a rockstar.

Hence, I believe it's 99% percent attitude, 1% aspiration.

I'm working on my attitude now. It's hard. Change is difficult but it's imminent and necessary.

Next, I'll be picking up guitar. The course is due to start this 24th May for 12 sessions. I can't wait!

Wow. Just when I thought I've no direction in life and lost my goal, it appears again.

So this is the path I shall take.

Would you rob a shop? Anything...

Fri, 09 May 2008 14:11:07 GMT

I believe I've reached a point in life that I've profusely rejected since young.

I am a bum. One of those with no direction in life.
No job. No goals. No commitments.

There is nothing I can attach myself to in order to move forward.

Besides the Creative Writing Competition, which I fear that I may not be able to join should I be rejected by the universities, that is.

To tell the truth, I've lost hope to be in a university and I'm so fed-up with waiting.

Right now I feel like I have to be totally prepared to enter the workforce already.

Unrighteously, I feel that the "A"-Level cert doesn't mean a shit when the jobs I want require diplomas/degrees. It's like now, "A"s are like "O"s. Just a benchmark of our abilities to comprehend what is demanded out of us in the work we pursue.

The "A"s were horrible. I don't know why. "O"s were horrible too but I don't feel dead at the end of it. Right now, you might as well call me a living vegetable (or rather rotten tomato).

I've actually got more to blog about but my brain is currently dead.

Render me speechless

Mon, 05 May 2008 17:55:40 GMT

I actually went around to promote my friend's online store. I bloghopped. From my contacts' blogs mostly. It's pretty shocking to see so many people being reserved about their blogs. Like I'm a trespasser who deserves to be shot down by tagging on their blog. It's not like I didn't leave my link behind to prove my credibility for most of the tags. Let's see I believe I've got more negative replies than positive ones. I did a revision of my promotions and I thought that nifty was a bad word when someone replied something like "pls check ou(t) store for nifty ladies wear HAHAHAHA". I then panicked. It would adversely affect my friend's business if I used the wrong word. So here's the definition for nifty:

nif�ty �� (nft) KEY � Slang

ADJECTIVE:
nif�ti�er , nif�ti�est

First-rate; great: a nifty idea.

NOUN:
pl. nif�ties

A nifty person or thing, especially a clever joke.

It wasn't bad at all.

...

And then it went on to how sickly inviting my blog must look like. Put up that face >.< and add the eeeees.

Sure is tough handling kids these days. They come from good schools but omigosh their mentality...

I guess it takes time for people to grow. I'm still growing.

So yours truly took the liberty to reply that sickly inviting's a compliment (as long as there's "sick" inside, I'm sunny side up) and wondered if my blog was visited or just assumed to appear as so (which would be sad because it would never be confirmed that it's sick).

Darn.

And I did say please.

I have manners. I have good grammar.

People just don't respond to randomness anymore.

And I wonder how they spread the word around. I mean, you can't just let your shop sit waiting for customers? I'm networking. That's what the internet is also for and the blogs were publicly listed so it wasn't my fault for occasionally accidentally reaching out to private spaces.

Maybe I'm too bold.

Or maybe nice guys finish last.

In any way, I'll leave it to Karma to let them know how I feel.

But then again, I've realised that they reflect me.

So now I know how others feel about me.

And I don't like it.

That's why changes must be in order. Even if changes kill me before I could learn to say...

Oh never mind the unfinished sentence because I've already got unfinished business.

When You've Sworn To Say The Least

Mon, 05 May 2008 06:26:30 GMT

I feel like going on a writing spree. You know just write and write. I don't feel like working now honestly. I think I'll wait for the exam fever to die down before calling up the schools. That's the life of a writer. You've got to be self-sufficient.

Oh, sorry for the sudden jump. Calling up the schools?

Haha. I really haven't been updating y'all! Sorry!

I've resigned from my packer job at Giant. Reason? I'm sick of the job to the extent that I've no motivation to stay. Much less to even drag myself there. I just stated my reason as "Going for relief teaching" on the resignation form. I actually wrote a letter but it wasn't needed. Oh wells.

So, I've actually applied to be a relief teacher two days before I quit. I thought you swore never to teach or have anything to do with schools?

I definitely have to swallow my pride. My reason for staying away from teaching is because I couldn't see myself being committed and dedicated to such a task that would require more than just my time and energy. Now, I realise, it's a form of rehab necessary for me in order to change into a better person.

I still need to lose weight! Damn!

Gotta go now. Have to get my sister. (There's a story behind it but heck, forget it.)

I love tarots.

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 02:55:18 GMT

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Pet names

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:19:13 GMT

My brother calls his girlfriend Smelly.
My sister calls her boyfriend Bonchet.
OK,for the fun of it, if I have a boyfriend, I'll call him Beetlejuice.
Just say it three times and poof! there he is. Haha!
Say it three times again in his presence and he'll be gone. No need to argue. Haha!

How ironic that non-flattering terms become endearing when you are in love.

I took the chance and I'm never looking back.

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 14:28:39 GMT

It's been so long. Updates are essential.

Failed: 1 Passed: 4 (Excluding PW)

At H2 level:
Economics - S
Literature in English - B
Malay Language and Literature - B

At H1 level:
Mathematics - D
General Paper - B

PW has been one heck of a roller-coaster and I am extremely grateful for the B. My group went through so much from internal disputes to last minute screw-ups. I have God to thank for that B.

There you go. I must say I am disappointed. I didn't expect to get an S for econs because I believe I didn't do that badly. Plus, I'm screwed because of that. An E would have allowed me to pass. Thank God for the minimum H2 passes of 2 subjects but my university score would be low and I'm rather at a disadvantage. Anyways, I've always gotten a U for econs. An improvement is indeed seen. I was also rooting for As in lit and gp. My power subject has always been lit and eventhough I've been scoring poorly in gp, there is this confidence in me that makes me believe I can excel in gp. Still, getting a B for gp is a pleasant surprise considering how I screwed myself up for the papers. I risked failing the essay because of limited knowledge and I could not comprehend the comprehension. Thank God for that nice little B. I'm so-so about maths because I didn't prepare myself for it well. Maths has never been my forte so I'm quite used to the borderline pass in maths. The most pleasant surprise is mll. I've been failing my malay lit and I didn't finish the paper so I'm really glad I got a B.

Well, that's all. I'm quite drained. Must be the hiatus that caused me to feel less energetic to blog. Will update about my happy problem tomorrow.

Camp Change Yourself will be in order.

First post!

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 13:08:21 GMT

Hello. This is my first ever post. There's nothing much to blog about. I guess I'm just going to type whatever that comes to my mind.

I'm someone who is only good at planning. Well, they did say half the fun's in the planning rather than the action. My actions are weak. I hate this part of myself. I believe I've talked about this before somewhere which adds on to my perplexity of the entire issue. We all have issues, man and we've better deal with them. I really need to set my mind. It's pretty messed up right now.

I took the "A"-Levels.

JC life is over.

I loved you.

I fell with disgrace.

I'm moving on.